


when you fell, you fell towards me

by RainbowRandomness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mirror of Erised, Prompt Fill, everything is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:37:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2741210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowRandomness/pseuds/RainbowRandomness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While Merlin is a Professor at Hogwarts, he visits Arthur every night, even if it is only an image of him in a mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you fell, you fell towards me

**Author's Note:**

> prompt found [here](http://mamalaz.tumblr.com/post/82302915105/mirror-of-erised-merlin-au-while-merlin-is-a)
> 
> everything is Merthur and everything fucking hurts okay
> 
> Title from _Please Don't Go_ by Barcelona

It was an ordinary night, just like any other; the sky outside was dark and littered with stars, the moon hanging bright in the black sky. The castle cresting upon the cliff side was silent, its residents tucked away in old oak framed beds and dreaming of potions and spells from lessons taught earlier in the day. The corridors were thankfully unoccupied, spare of students and teachers save for the lone figure making his way through the cold stone corridors, up flights of dusty stairwells and through doors leading to places unvisited in years.

It wasn’t long before he came across the door he needed; by now, since discovering the room and its contents, he had visited the room every night since, torturing himself with what lay within the rooms walls, a single image that haunted him to this very day.

Taking a quick calming breath, he reached for the handle and pushed open the door, entering swiftly before closing the large wooden surface carefully behind him. He straightened himself and turned around slowly, taking in the room at large; it was how he had left it last, the floor dusted and the pillars obstructive, hiding the true treasure behind them. Moonlight flittered in through the high windows, casting the room in a soft blue hue that reminded him vaguely of the Crystal Cave, a place he had not visited in a long, long time.

Stepping away from the door, he peered around the pillars towards where the object stood, propped up against one of the large crumbling pillars. There stood, in all its glory, the Mirror of Erised, its frame a dulled and chipped gold, the glass itself covered in a thick layer of grim in the corners and dust along the reflective surface. When he had first happened upon the mirror, he had wondered who had kept it in such a poor condition before figuring that perhaps it was just the appearance the mirror gave off to make onlookers move on without glancing at it too long.

Moving slowly, he made his way towards the mirror, attempting to steel himself for what he knew he would see. He had seen the same image each night he came, the same face, the same person, the same smile. It hurt him to see it all again, each night, never wavering but he couldn’t bring himself to stop coming because _not_ seeing their reflection in the mirror was worse than seeing it.

Eyes fluttering shut for just a brief moment he took a quick breath and made the final step. Now, standing directly before the mirror, he opened his eyes and the breath he had just taken, as always, was knocked from his chest.

There, staring back at him in the mirror, was Arthur. He was still as perfect as he remembered him being, his golden hair a tousled halo on his head, his irises still those dazzling shades of blue that held the promise of protecting his people for as long as he lived. He was dressed in his armour, the metal shining even from within the mirror. Excalibur was sheathed at his hip and he smiled sadly, eyes flicking over his friend in the mirror and memories from a life long ago flooding him as Arthur gave him his signature cocked grin.

“ _Hello Merlin_ ,” Arthur said, although Merlin couldn’t hear him. The mirror didn’t transmit sound but Merlin could see Arthur say it, could hear it clear as a bell in his mind from stored memories of long ago. Arthur raised his hand to give a small wave and Merlin lifted his in return, waving back before allowing his hand to hang limply in the air. It only took him a moment before he reached out and placed his hand upon the grimy glass, pressing his palm against the dirt and dust and waiting for Arthur to mimic his pose. He did, of course, as he always did when Merlin reached out for him; his eyes stayed pinned to Merlin even as his gloved hand rose towards the glass surface and pressed against Merlin’s palm, the only thing separating their touch the mirror itself.

But Merlin knows that isn’t really true. The real thing separating himself from Arthur was death itself; the mirror was just reflecting his deepest desire, which was to see Arthur happy, whole and alive.

But even Merlin knew that couldn’t be, although it was still good to see Arthur again, even if it was only an image of him in a mirror.

“Back again, old friend?”

Merlin stiffened, his hand pulling back from the glass and coming to rest at his side. He sniffed, blinking away the tears that had begun to gather in his eyes as he glanced behind him from where the voice had came.

He wasn’t surprised by who he saw, not really. If anyone were to find him and his secret, it would be the headmaster of Hogwarts, his wrinkled face void of any emotion other than sympathy and kindness as he stood backlit by one of the windows, his white hair almost silver in the light of the moon.

Moving slowly, Dumbledore came and stood beside Merlin, his voice as soft as his expression as he said, “I know you come here every night, Merlin.”

He didn’t know what to say. Bringing a hand up to swipe at his eyes and nose, he sniffled again as he averted his eyes from Dumbledore and the mirror. He could see Arthur watching him from behind the glass, his own hand returned to his side and his face showing slight concern for Merlin, although Merlin knew deep down that the only reason he was showing such emotion was because Merlin wanted him to, _needed_ him to. He closed his eyes from it all.

“Merlin,” Dumbledore said softly beside him, his hand reaching out and resting on Merlin’s shoulder, “This isn’t doing you any real good, seeing him like this every night. He’s not really here.”

Trying to hold back the tears, Merlin allowed himself to breathe deeply a few times to collect himself, ushering the tears away before he replied.

“I know,” he said, so quietly he wondered if Dumbledore could even hear him, “I just miss him. So much.”

“I know,” the headmaster replied, hand tightening on Merlin’s shoulder before retreating, leaving his shoulder feeling cold where the warmth of his hand had once been.

Merlin listened as the sound of Dumbledore’s gentle footsteps retreated, until he heard his foot reach the final step at the end of the winding staircase and he could hear him no more. He stood there a while longer, his head bowed and lip quivering while tears slowly made their way down his pale cheeks, landing with the quietest _plip_ as they hit the stone ground by his boots.

Eventually, when the light outside began to brighten into dawn, Merlin reached up and placed his hand back against the glass. He watched as Arthur pressed his back, his glove removed and held within his other hand, one of his genuine smiles waiting on his face when Merlin finally looked up at him. He gave a small smile in return, even as he felt another tear escape his eye and run away down his cheek.

“Goodbye Arthur,” he whispered, as he always did each night, removing his hand from the glass and giving his king a small wave as he left. Arthur returned it, smile still in place, his eyes never leaving Merlin even as he disappeared through the door and down the stairs.

Merlin didn’t visit Arthur anymore after that.

**Author's Note:**

> come follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/RainbowRandoms) and [tumblr](http://rainbow-randomness.tumblr.com/)


End file.
